I wonder what it feels like to not be conscious.
To be an agent purely devoid of free will and reward-seeking mechanisms. Sometimes, I hope that’s what I am.
Life is hard. Every single day, we make thousands of tiny decisions. Most of them—what clothes to wear, whether to drink coffee or tea, what to have for dinner—are inconsequential.
Yet, it’s interesting how the sum of those choices, stretched over time, defines who we are now and who we’ll become.
If we’re the ones making these decisions, why is it so hard to change our habits? Why does losing weight, getting better at math, or learning a language feel so much harder than just deciding to eat ice cream at 2 a.m.?
We have no idea what consciousness is. We know it can be altered with psychedelics. We know that brain damage can change a person entirely. So the brain must have something to do with whatever it is like to be “us.”
But try this: close your eyes and imagine a green elephant. Where exactly is it? If a surgeon were to open your brain, where exactly would that elephant be? Of course, the concept of an elephant is just a bunch of neurons firing, and we have a decent understanding of which parts of the brain correlate with abstract thinking, memory recall, etc. This is a simple open problem that highlights our lack of detailed understanding of how the brain works.
And where does the green elephant actually exist? I mean, I can think of it as a concept, but it doesn’t exist in real life, does it?
I’ve been learning a lot about meditation for months now. I learned about Vipassana, Dzogchen, and others from the Waking Up app by Sam Harris.
I don’t know to what extent it has been a positive influence on my life. I am way more self-aware, though. Sometimes, when I’m walking or waiting for the traffic light to turn green, I become aware of the fact that I’m thinking, breathing, or sitting. It has also helped me somewhat when my mind is in a rut—I tend to notice pretty quickly that most of my suffering comes from my thoughts.
If I’m worried about a deadline or problems outside my control, then what’s the point of worrying? And with that realization, I’ve greatly reduced my worrying.
All of these benefits came from just 10 minutes of meditation a day. You can get a free six-month scholarship for the app. I think you should try it too.
There are a lot of discussions on the app about the nature of consciousness. One concept, in particular, is called non-duality. Basically, if you try to look for “the one who’s looking,” you won’t find it. The “I” that you think is you is nowhere to be found.
This concept is very confusing for those uninitiated, and even if you grasp it, the benefit of knowing this fact might not be immediately clear.
What I like about the app’s stance is that it doesn’t focus on what consciousness truly is—it just talks about how we can live a better life and minimize unnecessary suffering. It also welcomes anyone from any background to learn more about the nature of our mind. In fact, you don’t even have to lose your current faith in a certain religion to reap the benefits of meditation becaus you are actually “doing less” you’re just noticing what arises in each moment. It’s kinda hard to explain without sounding like a hippie. Trust me, I had the same suspicion coming into it; but ultimately it’s very much worth it.
Most of the early introductory talks follow the same themes as his book, also titled Waking Up. The book is essentially about rediscovering the meaning of “spirituality” outside the context of major established religions, from the perspective of someone who is secular and irreligious. It also explores how to find a better way of living—a philosophy of life amidst the modern scientific era.
This is like the ultimate black pill of self-help or productivity. Ultimately, we all want a better life—to be less stressed, less anxious, not depressed, and to be happy. But defining what “happy” is, is really hard. It varies for each of us, yet it looks similar for all of us. The app is basically a guide to that. And I can’t help but see meditation as a way to achieve it too.
Another thing Sam and many other teachers emphasize in the courses is that meditation is not just a tool for feeling better or reducing anxiety—those are just side effects. When used correctly, it is a gateway to a deeper, truer, and more direct understanding of our consciousness.
You might have heard stories of entrepreneurs or hippies using drugs and claiming they saw God. It is scientifically possible to have the same experience through careful, deliberate, and sustained meditation. Many people have testified to this. I found 10% Happier by Dan Harris (not related to Sam) to be a great explainer of one person’s journey into meditation and its many benefits—without the woo-hoos of religion. It’s a great book to get you started if you want to learn more.
I also have experienced this kind of “enlightenment”, I think I’ve had it twice, lasting less than a minute. In most retreat though, you would spend time in the monastery at least a week and you do like 8 hours of meditation a day. It truly is a skill that you’ll get better at the more you practice. My total time meditating (which is recorded in the app) is less than 48 hours and that is after a year of meditating somewhat consistently daily, so definitely one can make faster progress.